Day 8: Vegivore-urism, and unwanted sexual advances

I always thought it was weird that you hard carnivores, and vegetarians don’t have any sort of “vore” attached to them.  I guess part of that is because most vegetarians are  actually omnivores.  I’ve noticed that several people who are vegetarians actually eat several different kinds of meat.  Usually just fish, and sometimes fish and poultry.

This, gentle reader, is totally bullshit.  Because the definition of the word “Vegetarian” is someone who just eats plants.  Not plants and ugly looking living things.  That’s like being heterosexual because you only have sex with women usually, but then also sometimes with men.  We have different words for these confused souls.  Most vegetarian’s I know then are officially “omni-curious”.  You’re going through a phase and just dabbling in what it’s like to be with meat.  Which is making me currently vegi-curious.  Furthermore since everything “Vegi” is spelled with an I, it’s making my ability to spell vegetarian suck even harder than my normal ability to spell, so for the remainder of this blog I’m just going to refer to myself as a vegivore.  We have 3 simple defenitions, which for the purposes of this blog will be used as follows:

Vegivore: What I currently am.  One who only eats plants, and not meat.
Carnivore: One who consumes the tender flesh of dead things
Omnivore: One who goes both ways

I have also settled the great egg debate.  I’m not going to eat eggs by themselves until I’m able to murder the thing that gives birth to these tasty eggbortions, but given that they’re in EVERYTHING we consume on a regular basis, I’m not going to loose too much sleep over trying to not eat anything with eggs in it.  I also am going to eat Dairy because the experiment is mostly a moral one, and giving a cow a handjob doesn’t seem all that morally unethical (well, just to get it’s milk anyways).

There may be people who point out that given that I’m consuming Dairy and Eggs I’m not technically a vegivore, and should actually be classified as an omnivore.  To those people I would counter with the following argument:

“Fuck you”

Lastly, it had never occurred to me the origins of the sexually deviant kink known as “vore”, which in some ways shows how retarded I can be, and in other ways really makes me wonder how I even know what Vore is in the first place.  This fits into the category of things that some people find sexy that I just don’t understand.  Do yourself a favor and don’t spend too long thinking about it, and definitaly don’t google image search for it.

I still haven’t consumed the flesh of any animals, but given that today was “Sushi Day” at work, I’ve felt my first real meat cravings since being clean and that was somewhat surprising to me considering how good the food looked and smelled at the BBQ I was at this weekend.

Lastly, I will give you a quick review of vegi-burritos I’ve had in the greater Greater Los Angeles area. (which is like the regular Greater Los Angeles, only even bigger)

1) Snapper Jack’s Taco Shack (Camarillo, CA) – Potato Burrito – While this place has some of the most amazing chicken and steak tacos I’ve had in my life, their vegi burrito falls somewhat flat.  It clocks in at 5 pounds and is really filling, but there’s nothing particularly amazing about the flavor and dousing it in amazingly good quemada brought it up to the ‘good’ level from ‘decidedly mediocre’.

2) Sharky’s Tofu Burrito (Agoura Hills, CA)- This is one of the better Vegi-Burritos I’ve had, and something about the way they cook the tofu made me actually pull a piece out (of my mouth) to be sure it was tofu and not chicken because it’s REALLY flavorfully spiced.  This was a very happy explosion of veginess in my mouth

3) Burrito King (Echo Park, CA) – Upon attending the Medicated Machine’s rap battle in Echo Park at an otherwise mediocre comedy show, I munched the hell out of one of these.  I then spent the next hour while I was supposed to be laughing at comedy, ruminating on how good that burrito was.  It was hot and amazing and I tasted it for hours aftwerwards.

And on the scale of mediocre vegitarian food…

Who at Subway decided Vegitarians needed a punch in the junk?  I went into subway to get a vegi sub and in my brain that sounded amazing since Subway is already fairly healthy.  Upon entering I realized that the vegi sub came with all the things you get on a regular sub, just with no meat.  And it costs the same as half of the other subs they have.  I got one, ate it, and then vowed to one day shake my fist at them if I ever see them again.

So far being a vegivore is good, but I’ve been huming this song in my head all day today:

“Little fish, swimming in the sea… you’re going to taste so good to me”

I think I’m ready for a tasty fishsnack.

My first target? Chordata Osteichthyes.  Make peace with your god cause I’m coming to eat you.